Faithful

Friday 29 March, 2013:

Nio texts me this morning:

Hi miss sorry fr wat happend yestrday wasnt meant todo tht in a serious way ws jusd jokjng aroun bt i just take it over board sometimes it went to far nd it wotn happn again sorry fr tht miss hope yur alrite idnt use yu ihave respect fr yu nd care fr yu miss cause yurve always been thea nd supports me frm th frst Day we met miss hope yur algds nw ws gna write yu lastnyte bt rhought ill let yu calm dwn. My spellng shit. Lol

Okay fresh start then, I reply, albeit minimalistically. Thus normalcy is resumed, to some extent at least. Naturally enough I feel wary… but nonetheless alright, with Nio, who I’ve always loved (and, if I’m honest, I’ve always known that he’s feckless and totally imprudent). And it’s good to know that he cared enough to get in touch and apologize.

 

Saturday 30 March:

Between 1:30 and 3:30 am, all I’m doing is fielding texts from the strung out, bugged out Kepaoa.

First one comes at 1:30am, I just get the usual: ‘Mis u up?’

I’ve only just gone to bed. So I text back, saying yes and asking what’s up.

He sounds a bit hyped (and trying not to be). The classic Kepaoa warning signs: asking me the same questions over and over, every text. Hows your day been ms? Watchu been up to? That kind of thing. And he doesn’t say he’s drinking. I just think… oh, maybe.

And at first, it’s like he’s trying to stay connected with someone, calm himself down. He sounds jittery, but not over the top with it. We talk about his knee; about Elroy – just this and that, that and this. Every 10 or 15 minutes I get another text, and I reply, faithfully. Just trying to keep that energy on the slow burn. I actually feel very connected to him. It even gets me a little scared, for a while. I feel like I’m pulling on some kind of leash, though really I don’t know who’s pulling who. Every time the phone goes off I feel my body buzz too. Like someone is ringing my bell, that’s for sure.

 

My attempt at containment works… for a while. Then Kepaoa starts amping up. Lots of capitals, and exclamation marks. FUCCKN KNEE!!!! NEED SOME SCRAPS!!!! Next thing he’s telling me that him and his mate are gonna have a few cans in the park, saoliiid.

And then, the texts start coming hard and fast and scrambled; probably from a combination of alcohol, and being ultra-hyped, and jabbing the touch screen:

Man knjke justh fxxuckn fuckd m of bihg tyu.m wans fhjight!!  (this is at 3:10pm)

Kepaoa, I write. Can u plez not? Plez be smart ay. U dnt need any more trouble

Justds fubjdcxn hatkdje myah

??

Gn goe gt my byk byk rond

This one I comprehend, so: Nah man just go sleep ae? I try. Good idea. Shud come for a cruise into city tmor kum get paint wf us

 Kepaoa makes one last attempt to keep hold of himself. Tym tmah ms?’ he writes. And then, in the same line: Men drkng nd bykng tripyeehjf

 maybe 11 or 11:30? Nah nah not drinkn bikng ay, just home bed,  I write.

But I don’t hear anything further. Eventually I fall asleep, clutching the pillow like a life raft.

 

I wake up feeling sick and feverish. Which doesn’t even surprise me, because the whole thing has been pretty weird. It feels like I took something down that connection, some kind of energy. You know how I was saying before, how I was trying to help keep Kepaoa’s energy on the slow burn. Well it burned me, literally. That’s what I think. I don’t know if it helped him or not, but I felt like I was grounding some of it.. And I know that sounds a bit la-la, probably. But that’s how it felt.

When I think of it that way, it makes a kind of sense. I wish… I wish I could share these thoughts with someone who would be able to make more sense of what I’m saying. I wish I knew someone who would look at my words and see… meaning, I guess. See the big picture. Because I don’t know what it is – I wish I did.

 

By afternoon, I still haven’t heard anything. To be honest, I’m worried – the vibe was weird as.

I see Elroy’s managed to find his way onto chat though, even though phones are definitely contraband at rehab:

honestly!? u on fb, u and your criminal mastermind brain

That’s how th souf side rollz

algd, i actually miss you, ya gangstah, what’s it like there? alright?

Yea mis it’s kik bk n hea everyone’s alg ae bt KPL fuk them hahahah

(I’m not sure who KPL are, but someone will surely tell me!)

algd then, take care ay.

 

Sunday 31 March:

Get a text round midday:

Ae ms what you doing? Got bailed out tday.

A few facts are then established: ms cops took me in haha they rekon I was playing up big time hahaha ohwell was drunk so ye lol make the most of it haha. Yeah but i slept for ages hadr mean hangover nd didn’t tell my name haha alguds police babysitters hahaha’

I forward him a couple of the texts he sent me last night, to which he replies Was that me?? Faar must been wasted as hahahaha lol crackup

It hadn’t been quite so funny to me at the time, and this I let him know.

Sorry ms didnt mean to worry you just needed take the stress away that’s all sorry ms

 

And so we just text a bit, back and forth.

‘Seen cluzo today?’

!!!! Man dnt u read my txs. Jus told u I havnt seen him an he nt replying hs txs eithr. U sure u alryt?

Brains cells sorry ms my bad! Hahah he probly drinking? Rekon ms? He probly left him phone home? Wat yu doing tday ms?

Just sum sleep, I reply.

‘Thought you was gone be in town tday,’  he persists.

Sigh.. I alredy explaind ths. Cant get hold of tau. Honest i rekn u delete txs befor u even readn them!

Nah I just fink ima bit handi ms? Any plans for tnyt?

Handi alright. And na to tired for that. parents woried bwt wea u were to?

Yeap but they jst thought do my usuals ha not come home ay. Handi yiip lol hahah lol cracking up ms handi yeah blame ma mama fi daat hahah

 

Later on he describes his night in the lockup: Yeaaa hah it was alguds had blanket felt like i was at home hahahah slept fo ages lol

Yeah, no doubt. The idiot. I’m glad he has a big church day today, Easter Sunday.

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